another day

Therapy has turned into me crying for one hour. That's about all that gets accomplished.

There is so much frustration at being sick and trying everything and running into dead ends everywhere. She made me come up with example of that and I said: insomnia, narcolepsy, fatigue, inability to run, and lack of weight loss. She kept challenging the weight loss... that the rest she could agree with but that my need for weight loss was my choice and not actually necessary. I kept trying to disagree but it was taking too much effort to argue and i have no energy for arguing.

the physical health stuff gave plenty to talk and cry about so i just avoided the lack of weight loss aspect of my frustration.

sometimes, i wish she would just agree with me for 5 minutes so i could talk about it without defending my way of thinking. and i realize a therapist is supposed to challenge disordered thoughts, but when i'm that upset sometimes i need to just go with it for a few minutes.

never made it to the gym today.
i babysat my nephew while my sister in law was at her dr appt. people probably thought lucas was my baby. i did not correct them. he's so adorable, i dont mind the credit. hahahaha

then i went to anatomy lab to see if the cadavers needed any dissecting. unfortunately, they didnt. plus there were too many students crowded around them for most of the time.
it was fun to be with the other TAs (plus Nathan TAs that lab). I miss it there.

and after therapy, i needed to not isolate. i was too drained for the gym, but didn't want to go home to be there with my parents.

went to RCIA with nathan after lab, then back to his house to watch some NCIS.

its after 1am. i'm still awake. i haven't attempted to go to bed yet, but i'm already dreading it.