Malaria

I'm writing a paper on a research study about the best way to diagnosis malaria with different types of blood smears. Don't be fooled, it is actually interesting. I have 3 pages and it supposed to be 3-4. All I have left to write about is the discussion and then a little portion on what I thought about it. I'm losing steam, though. It isn't due until Tuesday, although I'm going to have it done by Sunday night just in case she wants it early. The syllabus says "monday after break" but our classes are tuesdays and thursdays. so i'm thinking she just didn't update the syllabus from last year? No idea. But I'm not going to risk it.


I"m going to a baby shower tonight. I need to start getting ready. And I need to study for the parasit lab exam that's on Monday.
I'm so overwhelmed with that class that I don't even want to study. I've heard the lab exams aren't that bad, but there is so much to know it's ridiculous.
That's tomorrow's project. That and finish the paper, which shouldn't take long.

Then that leaves Monday and Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning to study for the immunology exam. I've done a lot with that and things are starting to make sense now. I should have enough time to prepare for Wednesday. Once parasit and the paper is over with.


Graduating will be nice.

work

work is annoying.

i went through so many charts today that i had audited a month ago, and my page of errors that i wrote... none of them were fixed yet. NONE! okay- so really, what's the point of my job if they're just going to ignore everything. It's SO annoying. i started putting sticky notes throughout the whole charts with errors, like 'ROBB, SIGN HERE". or "MISSING NOTE FOR 2/1". if THAT doesn't work then I don't know. i mean... how do you just NOT write a daily note for that day? that's the most important part of the chart. shouldn't that be second nature? i don't think charting should be so difficult. fill in all of the blanks, date things and sign them. if they did that, the majority of the errors i find wouldn't exist anymore and i'd have more time to focus on the goals and each individual measurement.

annoying.

i have to keep a tally of the number of each error i find. so today i was getting so frustrated that for certain charts, every one error, i'd mark it down as 2. or I'd recount all of the errors that i found LAST month that they haven't corrected yet. when they're simple little things like SIGNING the daily note, then due to their laziness, it counts as two errors. especially if it's my boss and he messes up on one of the new rules he just added with the charting. if HE can't get it right then there are problems.


/end rant

lab

job shadowed brandon today. it was cool to get into a real medical lab. by the end he'd hand me a tube of blood and let me go the right machine and put it in to start the test. that was cool. and he let me do some WBC diffs for the slides that the machine flagged. i got to look for hypochromatic and microcytic cells, and anisocytosis. My manual WBC diff was identical to the machine's diff. That was fun.
He had a couple urine analysis tests to go through. A lot of CBCs and H/H and diffs. Mostly he just explained each machine to me and how they call things in that particular lab. And then about the interviewing process. He just got accepted to a PA program in virgina for this summer. Why does school always take away my friends? Tess is moving to west virgina this summer to start med school, too.

I'll probably go back there again before he leaves. Hopefully after I finish my hematology class I'll know more. Most of what he talked about I won't learn until next year, so it's a bummer he won't be around after i take hemostasis and clinical chemistry.
He asked me a few things and then laughed when i couldn't remember. He kept saying "come on, biochem was just last semester!".
i forget things... but they're still in my head somewhere. as soon as i see it again, or can put it to some practical use, then i remember and it all comes back. i won't forget the stuff that he asked me today. now that i've gone over it again and saw it in practice- i won't forget.






have i mentioned lately that i want to run?

not again..

oh. and i think running is out for awhile again.

i either have shinsplints in a weird location or a stress fracture in my tibia.

Usually shin splints are tibialis anteior pulling away from the tibia. This feels more like soleus or gastrocnemius pulling away. Which would make sense- since those muscles get tight and swollen.
but im nervous for it to be a fracture because i can push ONE particular spot that hurts more than the rest.
i dont know how that happened though because i haven't been running. i tried again today and lasted 4 whole minutes. my shin hurt too badly.
i have a random sharp pain in my left medial thigh, too.

i need to go back to the sports dr.
i don't know what all of these weird things are.



i dont want more fractures. it doesn't make sense! it simply does not make sense.

Improving

I'm doing better at the moment. Slightly stressed at the amount of school work I still have to do and the little amount of time I have left to do it.

We did wedding planning stuff on Tuesday. We found the hall- it's the same place Casey had hers, and when I mentioned that my sisters was there 4 years ago the owner got all excited, added in a ton more things to the package for free, and dropped the price per plate. It's insane. So we're definitely going there. We met with a DJ too, who is an option we'd go with. We have a couple more to look into.
It's exciting actually starting to plan now. It's making it all the more real!


I've slept pretty well the last two nights. I'm hoping this continues.

My workouts are finally getting to be awesome again. I had a slump for awhile, but now they're good. I've lost a little bit of weight IN A HEALTHY WAY.
Im still eating within my calorie range, and I'm not over exercising.

I timidly weighed myself this morning because I was curious, and when I saw i lost some, it made my day. It's about freaking time my body has responded to what I've been trying to get it to do!

I'm glad that my patience is finally paying off.



Nathan and I spent the day in the library studying. We planned on yoga tonight, but the teacher is in India right now- she said she had a sub coming in to teach it, so we were still going to go- but no one showed to teach. It was really disappointing. I had been in the mood for yoga. I guess it's good to have a break though- ive killed my legs the last two days. I don't know how many warriors I would have been able to do.


I'm job-shadowing my friend tomorrow. He works in the hospital lab that i want to internship at. Nervous and excited.

i feel pretty good about getting the internship there. My GPA is higher than the people I know in my classes. Hopefully that will set me apart- along with shadowing brandon and stuff.

im nervous about the interviews this summer... growing up is scary.



I should go get a snack. I'm still slightly under my calorie range today. Then hopefully I'll fall sleep soon.
I'm exhausted.

empty

had a whopping 3.5 hours of sleep last night. i could have slept in- but i had a screaming natalie and avery this at 7:30 this morning, so well- there went that idea.

this exhaustion is not helping my moods or outlook on life.

i gave into the SI urges last night because it was almost 4am and i was simply at my wits end. i had to do something to get me to sleep.

i should write my paper or study for parasit or immunology.

but i think im going to crash on the couch and watch the last stage of the Tour of California instead.

if i don't sleep tonight, i'm going to lose it.

i don't have too much left in me right now.

need to recharge

Ryann, Joseph and the girls are here for the weekend. Came last night and are leaving tomorrow morning.
A house they were interested in had a price reduction and they wanted to check it out today.
I can't believe they'll be home March 11th.
It hasn't sunk in yet.


I asked Ryann last night if she'd be my matron of honor. She seemed surprised! I'm glad I could ask her in person. and I'm glad she's moving back to Michigan.

I wanted to play with natalie today, but dad wasn't sharing.

dad needs to un-retire and go away.


cutting urges have been kind of strong lately.
i don't know why. maybe the stuff with darryl? i don't know
maybe i should put forth some effort to figure it out.
but i don't really have any effort to spare.

"spring" break starts now.
i have two exams and a paper due as soon as school starts back. so it's not much of a break.

my moods are yucky.
im happy- i like having Ryann here, and i'm excited they're moving back, and i'm happy to not have class this week, and im happy to be able to work on wedding stuff with nathan this week, but i'm just... blech.
i feel worn out.

somedays i wish i could take a timeout from life and go back to rogers for a day or two, to get away so that i can refocus and start again. so that i don't have to make the decisions for a few days.

i'm tired of trying so hard.

i think giving up would take a lot less energy.


i think that's all it is.

i'm just simply worn out.
it's tiring to stick with recovery, be in school, work, and still have something left at the end of the day.

school isn't fun right now. i want school to go on hold for awhile.
i need to recharge.

so it sucks that this break will be full of studying and paper writing.

amputation, please.

ugh. i'm probably going to go back to the sports doctor.

i haven't been able to exercise for another two days.
My feet and cramped up so badly and my calves are swollen and tight again.

I HATE MY LEGS AND FEET!

I don't know what he's going to be able to do for me though.

I just want to be able to walk without being in pain.

How can I run if I can't even walk?

When my feet and calves are like this, I can't bike, go on the ellipical.
nothing.

i hate it.

improving

I had an amazing week in the world of recovery. I knew I was sliding, so I asked my dietician if I could email her everyday if I need to, and she said that I can. So i started doing that, checking in with her a lot. I started tracking my food again, too. I had gotten lazy about that, so Ive made myself start that again. ever since i started tracking and checking in with her, i've stuck to everything perfectly!!!

I had gone 7 full days without exercising because I got sick last week. So since Friday, I've added workouts back in, and it feels soooo good to be back.

I've decided that my bones are strong enough to run.

8 1/2 months of daily calcium supplements and strength training, no restricting, limited caffeine, no overexercising/running.

with the little bit of running i started doing recently, my legs have felt fine, i just haven't gone for very long because i'm so paranoid about fracturing my femurs again. but seriously... if they were weak, they would have fractured by now.

So i'm going to start increasing my running. I need to build up my endurance again! Somedays are better than others. I need to be careful about my ankles and knees too. Watch out for any little pain i feel there.
And my calves... see if the compartment sydrome acts up more. and my plantar tendon... if that starts cramping up more often. If they do, I'll go back to the sports doctor.

I had gone to him about those problems before, but it was the same appointment where he discovered my fractured femurs, and basically nothing else mattered to him at that point. that was before I went IP. he wanted me to check back in with him but i never did. so i guess if my knees, ankles, calves, or feet act up, i'll go back and make him figure out what the hell is wrong with my legs!

but my bones are fine.
they have to be.

i gave them 8 1/2 months.

now its time i give myself the okay to run.

i hate food

my dietician wonders if im sensitive to wheat.


great-i finally get over my aversion to bread.

cells

I'm finally comprehending everything for hematology. Everything makes sense and fits together. It's actually all very fascinating. Again, the class I dread the most becomes my favorite. The exam will be hard- it's a Williams exam- but it's nothing I can't handle. I handled Dinda's biochem exams, and I handled his immunology exam without any trouble, so hopefully I can do the same with hers.

The rest of the studying for me will be writing everything out a million times. Making sure I can write out lists, remember the negative and postive regulators, which cytokines do what at which stage. It's on hematopoiesis, erythropoiesis, structure, function, and death of the mature red blood cell, and about hemoglobin's synthesis, structure, regulation, function, etc. along with what happens with abnormalities.

so since her exams are often multiple-multiple choice and short answer, i need to be able to memorize everything word for word. otherwise, i already feel confident about it. and the exam isn't even until Tuesday.
awesome.



Nathan and I going to see the detroit symphony orchestra tonight! i got the tickets as a christmas present. i'm excited!


i may go clean my room a bit.
it's a disaster area at the moment and it's driving me crazy.
ive been studying all morning.
i need a break.

blech

why have i no motivation to study lately?


hematology IS interesting.
immunology... eh...
parasitology isn't too bad.

but really, come on Andi.

Get with it already.

annoying

why is my stomach still acting up so often?
the last couple days, after i eat, it HURTS. and then even throughout the day, it never actually feels better.

i wanted to go to yoga tonight after lab, but my stomach was so bloated and painful that the thought of bending over and twisting into weird poses did NOT sound good.

so im home now and bitter.
and hating my stomach.


ive been eating reguarly since july.

shouldn't it have gotten the hang of the whole digestion thing by now?

Sleep deprived

so last night i was exhausted. i took rozerem and went to bed by 10:30, prepared to sleep allllll night and wake up refreshed.

nope.
i was up until 3am again.
even with rozerem and an intense workout previously that morning.

stupid.

so i got up, after 5 hours of sleep, went back to the gym. tried swimming again... felt pretty pathetic doing that. between being tired and having swam yesterday, and hardly swimming in the last 2 years, i wasn't really feeling all that great in the water. so i did some other things for my workout.
then went to Mass, then went to work.
It took an hour and a half for me to update the spreadsheets and do the monthly audit report for January.
i hate that most about my job. i dread the end of each month.


anyway, i'm hungry. and debating whether or not to wait for Nathan to get here to eat. maybe i'll have a snack or something.

Jess and Jakob are coming over later tonight for an Anti-superbowl party.
I'm not sure what we're going to do yet, but i'm sure it'll be fun.


i am so tired.
if i don't sleep tonight, i'm going to be pissed off.
i purposefully overdid the exercise this morning, just so that i'd sleep tonight.
i know that doesn't always work, but something has to work.