screw you, Dr. S

i am so fed up with the electrophysiologist.

i called to see when i coudl get the ultrasound done and get the heart montior on. i was hoping it could be the same day, seeing as I live an hour away from there.

But no, that would be too easy. The ultrasound is on my birthday at 315. And then they can't be nice and put the heart monitor on me then- oh no. I have to come back the following wednesday at 3 to get that on. Hopefully I can take it off myself- since that's what I did last time- but the lady I just talked to was like "no, you have to come back in and have it taken off and return it". I had been hoping that I could take it off myself, then have my mom drop it off the next day. Seeing as I'm in class from 10am-9pm on Thursdays. I can't exactly drive 2 hours just to drop off the stupid thing in the middle of my day.

DAMN IT.

Ok, seriously. This is pissing me off. I have EIGHT classes this semester. And I'm still working!
September is already busy. We have a wedding next weekend, a meeting w. our priest for our wedding. Going wedding dress shopping with Ryann and mom this week, and probably a few more times soon (at least I was hoping so), we have to start making hte bridesmaid's dresses. Nathan and I have a marriage prep. retreat 18th-20th, I see susan on the 14th. And wine-making is 22nd and 27th.

Oh, and I have 8 classes and a job. And homework, exams.

Oh, and I'M TRYING TO APPLY FOR MY INTERNSHIP.


I don't have time for this bullshit.
I just don't.

maryland

Nathan and I went to Maryland last week. Stayed with my sister in Baltimore and a night in southern MD where his old base was. We stayed with his friend (who has two adorable little girls, ages 2 and 3). I didn't get to meet Corey because he is currently in Iraq, but Janice was there with the girls. The 3 yr old, Lily, became my best friend while we were there. I had been there for just a little while and she was sitting next to me, looked up with her big eyes and said, "I love you". She was hanging on me the rest of the time. I loved it.
We met up with some of his old friends there, and I got to see the house he lived in. Wednesday Nathan and I spent all day in DC. and on Thursday we drove back up to Baltimore and Diane gave us a day-long tour of Johns Hopkins (since she works there) and the city. It was such a fun week. We both needed a vacation. It kind of sucks to be back home... I got spoiled spending so much time with him.

My legs are a little sore from all of the walking so I decided not to run today. I'll wait and see how they feel tomorrow, I guess.

The "appt."

My appt was at 3. So I got there at 2:45. I sat and I sat. And I waited. And I tried to do physics homework. And I sat. And at 5:10 I get called back. I get weighed, I get my blood pressure and pulse taken. I get an ECG. I wait. And I wait. Around 5:35 the NP comes in to take my history. Around 5:55 the Dr comes in goes over the history the NP took with me. I was with him less than 5 minutes. Then he says the ECG looks normal and that there doesn't appear to be a structural problem (and of course, my resting HR was NORMAL while i was sitting there waiting for 3 hours). So he said he thinks it's the meds, but still, he'd like a 24 heart monitor and an ultrasound of my heart. Unfortunatly, everyone in the office had left at this point and there was no one there to set me up with it (isn't HE qualified?!).

So I have to go back. But I couldn't even set up a time to go back because the front desk people had all left and he said they would call me the next morning with follow up information (which they never did). He had been on vacation and that day was his first day back and they "accidently" overbooked him. Um... if you only have so many openings in the book, how do you "accidently" write too many people's names down? I would have waited a week if I had known that would have helped the situation. I left my house at 145 and got home at 7. I saw the dr for 5 minutes and had nothing but an ECG done. It was the biggest waste of a day ever. (plus, this was the day I was going on 2 hours of sleep and my entire exhaust system fell off my car on the way to class... it was already a crappy day. oh- and they have CNN on in the waiting room. I hate politics, i hate obama. and it makes me anxious and want to cut but i couldn't get away from it).

This place is an hour away from me.

I have no intentions of going back.

my heart is fine.

And I don't care.

another appt...

i see the electrophysiologist tomorrow...

i hate new drs.

im not looking forward to this.

intervals

i ran yesterday at the gym. i'm up to 12.5 minutes of running.
walking is boring. but instead of 1 minute run and 2 minute walks i changed it to 1.5 minute run and 1 minute walk... haha.

i have in my mind that when people stop running and walk- then they must be winded and out of shape. So since when I"m running I don't feel winded and I feel strong, I never feel the need to stop and walk. To do so would be a sign of weakness. Which is something i hate.
So now i have to FORCE myself to walk during my runs. it's uncomfortable. it's better when im out on the dirt roads and no one is around to see me. but i felt weird in the gym yesterday only running for 1.5 minutes at a time. I get paranoid that people are watching me and thinking "wow, she must be really out of shape, she can't run for very long" and not " she must be coming back from injuries" and even though i know that probably no one is watching me or thinking that, i still don't like it. (i finally think that people who aren't running much might also be coming back from injury... that never used to cross my mind... i guess i'm mean). but i made myself do the interval running yesterday. i need to change the way my mind thinks on this. It's not that I'm weak, it's that I'm treating my body well. which is something I'm still getting used to. and i've come too far to ruin it now.
i'll probably go to work tomorrow after my heart dr appt and run there. At least at a physical therapy office i won't feel so weak doing interval running. especially since everyone is usually old and have artifical joints and havne't run in years. to them, 1.5 minutes is probably impressive. haha. (plus, i can't over do it if my PT is there... she'd yell at me)

i worry too much.


but HEY!

I'M RUNNING AGAIN!!!!!!

Rain

just went running in the rain. about a mile and half but I walked in between runs so I figured it was fine. I feel good. I think I'm more prepared to run than my PT thought I am. I've been doing a lot of variety workouts at home and a lot of the workouts (from OnDemand) have running in place, a lot of various jumping exercises, and a lot of plyometrics. I started that because it's a good workout, plus it's impact but since i'm on carpet it isn't too much of an impact. I figured that was a good way to start. And I think that helped prepare my feet, ankles, and calves for running. After the first couple times I wasn't shakey with it anymore.

Don't get me wrong- I'm still starting out slowly, I still won't run 2 days in a row, i'll still do intervals until I work into running the whole time. i won't rush it. i promise.

but i'm excited because i felt really strong when i was out there today. and my calves didn't cramp. the bottom of my right foot was kind of tight afterwards but i stretched and massaged it and it feels okay now.

amazing.

Friday

I'm officially done with PT! I'm going to have a life again! wow!

Dad is in Seattle now with mom. I'll be home alone for a week.
Which sucks because dad is an awesome physics tutor and I have exam on Monday and homework due Wednesday and Thursday over two confusing chapters. (we just started quantum physics and on the first page of the chapter it says "prepare to be confused". How comforting).

but i get to workout at home whenever i want. So that's always a treat.
Might spend the night at Ryanns tonight or tomorrow because Joe is out of town too. Avery seemed pretty excited about having a girls night with Aunt Andi.

I want to visit Brandon and Jenny and hold little Luke again. But I don't want to be a pain. I'm sure everyone wants to go visit them and hold luke... they probably want to be alone with their son. but i really want to play with my nephew!

My knees are sore today.
maybe i haven't been stretching enough.

blistered.

my skin is all blistered from the sunburn. :(
it blistered yesterday but i popped most of them... but i tried exercising this morning and when i got done it was blistered even worse than yesterday.
i took pictures and posted them on FB so that my mom could see them since she's still in Seattle...

it hurts and it itches and nathan talked to the pharmacist that he works with and he said there is some spray that i could use to numb it but other than that there isn't much to do at this point except to not pop them and let them heal.

blech.

i ran for one minute 6 times today. yay.

running!

no more osteopenia!!!!!!!!! it was the best possible Outcome afterall. What a miracle!
i ran for 3 whole minutes at PT today(1 minute, 3 times). *raises eyebrow*
more of a tease than anything... but at least it's something and a start. i know i have to start out slowly... even though i think 3 minutes is beyond "slowly". but it isn't just my bones- it's my muscles and tendons and the tibial torsion messes with everything too. my muscles had atrophied (in my ankles and hips) and they aren't used to running.

i was doing lunges on the bosu ball after my 3 minutes of running and my left foot cramped up really badly. i tried to hide it from my PT (because i dont want to hear i have to put off the running) but of course she noticed. luckily she didn't seem overly concerned. i told her flexor hallicus longeus felt weird when i was running. not painful, but kind of stressed and tired. since thats where the tendonitis was it's not too suprising. i'm allowed to run a little bit more before thursday which will be my last day of PT. she wants to see how my feet handle it.
it's good that i work there... she said i can follow up with her whenever im in to work and if i want i can have her watch me run again if i think something feels off. She's so nice.
custom orthotics might be in order because of the tibial issues. and the navicular bone drops a little bit- which stresses flexor hallucis longus even more.
annoying but at least now my feet/calf problems make sense.

i hope i can run more soon.
i won't go crazy with it. i promise.
but seriously- i need more than 3 minutes!