nightmare

i'm rapid cycling.

i was going nuts earlier this morning.  i couldn't stop moving, doing things, everything was entertaining.  i couldn't stop fidgiting.  i was completely crawling out of my skin.

and then i crashed.

and then i was numb and kept distracting myself and nathan was over and i wasn't letting myself think.

and then we went to Mass at 830pm, and i couldn't stop crying, because i no longer had a distraction and was praying for grandpa.

and now i just want to stare at the wall in completely numbness.

and i realize that crying over a sick grandpa isn't the definition of cycling- it's more that that amplified things.  I seriously was hypo-manic this morning, and i am in no way manic at all anymore.  I definitely noticed the crash in the afternoon.  and it's been like that for a few days.  off and on and off and on.  high low high low

i feel like i'm living in a nightmare.


(oh yeah- and i have a job interview in 10 hours... great.)