Reading it was weird. (and the formatting is as close as I could get to how I actually wrote it in my journal. i tend to write all over the page like that.)
July 29, 2006
I know, I know
I hate myself
Same story. Different day.
Perfect opportunity to not eat and workout.
And what did I do?
The complete opposite.
Why? Why am I so stupid?
Seriously
I know, I know
I’ve heard it all before.
Same story,
Different day
Over and over you promise to change.
Over and over you never do.
Good intentions, sure.
But it’s not getting us anywhere.
I hear you.
Over and over
Same story, promise, oath
Broken record. Broken promise
Broken self
A change will come. It can
You have to make it happen.
The next different day; make it a different story.
Change your life one day at a time
You watch her, she doesn’t know
You read her like no one else can
You love her, but she’s not sure
You watch her break down
You know she’s strong, but she seems so fragile
Inside you break
You break for her
Reach out to save her.
In anyway you can.
But she pushes you away.
From a distance, you watch her
You feel her
You know her
Inside, you break for her.
Can you bear to leave? Knowing nothing changes either way?
You love her all the same.
But she doesn’t anymore.
Can you bear to see the one you love the most not even be able to love herself?
The one you love the most is the one she hates the most.
Can you take that?
Can you take her doubt?
Can you bear her pain?
Can you?
Can you bear what she’s going to put you through?
Turn around and leave
It’s not too late
You can free yourself from her.
Turn. Turn Away.
Run
Can you bear it?
Can you bear leaving?
Can you bear staying?
Her and you.
Once made so much sense.
Perfect, seamless.
But she breaks down.
Can you bear that?
She doubts.
Can you bear that? Can you?
Stay and she’ll destroy you.
Until there is nothing left.
Chew and spit you out.
She’s no longer in it for the longrun.
Stay.
But she won’t.
Can you bear it?
Do you have what it takes? To show them who you are?
They see a pretty face. A happy smile.
Do you have what it takes to show them?
The pain and torment that lives behind those eyes.
To you, life is no fairy tale.
There are no happy endings and prince Charmings
Maybe an evil witch or two.
A fire or an arrow strike.
The story stopped before the happy ending.
And here you are in
endless misery
Stuck.
Trapped in your castle.
No one will save you.
No one knows you need saving.
What will you do.
When you’ve given it all you’ve got
And it’s still not enough?
What then?
When the road before you crumbles,
and the bridge behind you burns?
What then?
No one can save you.
Truth is, you’re not worth saving.
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