another title

I turned my day around a bit.  I got myself to help my mom and sister sew.  I finished bethany's dress for them, which i know was a huge relief to them.  It was a productive day and we all feel much better.

Late afternoon--- I didn't do too much.  I felt bad leaving for a few hours to go to work, so I didn't.  That probably wasn't the best.  But I've felt guilty not being home much.  So at least I finished bethany's dress.

Then I went to my brother's house to make a photobook (my SIL was hosting a shutterfly photobook making party and we all got a free photobook out of the deal.  That was fun.  Except it was mostly her side of the family, plus two of her friends.  So I felt like the odd one out.  Which I hate.  But I put together a book and it's cute, and I socialized.

I came home and everyone was already in bed.  So I watched the Craig Ferguson episode from last night on my laptop (he's my all time favorite late-night show. and the only one I watch, but he's on super late and usually watch it the next day).  He's hilarious.  I also took a xanax while driving home. 
Hopefully it helps me sleep tonight.
I feel like a drug addict.  Except I'm not.
But i feel weird relying on drugs to sleep.  i dont feel bad about rozerem, since that's more natural and non-habit forming... unlike xanax.  But i've been so anxious lately.

i need to get to bed. 
my goal is to get up by 7am every morning.  i want to become a morning person like i used to be.  so far it's not really working.  it's still a struggle to get up that early.  I might extend it to 8 tomorrow.  since i can't workout at home in the morning since ryann and the girls will be here.  which is annoying since it throws off my whole schedule.

i feel kind of bad putting a workout before family.
that's not a good thing. 
maybe.  i don't know.


my other sister is planning my bacholorette party.  i told everyone that i don't want to go out.  i really don't.  i don't enjoy going out.  and i don't like surprises.  i need to plan.  i need to know what i'll be doing at every moment of each day.  and i don't like going out.  so she emails us today and says "is everyone free on the 28th?  get babysitters- we're going out".  and she wouldn't tell me where we were going and what was involved. 
she called me this afternoon and said "okay, i'll run this by you because it involves dinner and food and I know how you are about that."  she wants to go to a japanese steakhouse (where they cook the dinner in front of us).  I've been to one before and it was okay.  It's not my first choice by any means of restaurtant food (since the only thing i typically trust while eating out is salads), but I okayed it.

I'm glad that she ran it by me.  Because now I can plan the day (food/exercise wise accordingly).  but the fact that she "knows how [i am] about about that is a little bit concerning. 
not really concerning, i guess.  just more annoying.

i guess i've become more strict with it.  i'm not restricting-- just-- more strict.  and workouts are becoming increasingly important (as i'm sure is becoming obvious with my constant mention of them).  anyway.  i need to go to bed.  because i need to wake up early.

i can't be lazy.
too much to do.
can't waste time.