change in focus

I almost fell asleep in microbio today... oops.
I've never fallen asleep in a class before.
In between lecture and lab I went to the library and found an empty study room and turned the lights off and put my head down for 20 minutes. I don't think I fell asleep, but it helped to just lay there with my eyes closed.

i was okay during the lab.
the lab was really neat.
all of my streaking of the cultures are turning out really well. all of the tests i ran worked.

i don't like waking up at 5:30. especially when i was up super late because I started reading Breaking Dawn.

the morgue today was neat.
but that's the thing- that's all it was.
i didn't feel a tug or a drive in me screaming "that's what you're going to end up doing!!!" like i have previously.
i've been praying about this a lot. whether or not i should stop after my medical lab science degree, do an internship and then work, instead of going into grad school for pathology.
and today seemed to give me an answer.
yes, i find it fascinating, and that's great. but maybe it's not for me afterall.

and it got me thinking- maybe the reason why i was so attracted to pathology and so sure of myself was so that i'd switch my undergrad degree to MLS. because now that i'm in MLS, i don't know why i didn't think of doing this before. i really like it. i love my classes (except biochem...). i love my lab right now. working with bacteria and running tests and doing real med lab things.
i wouldn't have gone into this had it not been my interest in pathology.
and so now that i'm hooked on MLS, i guess thats why my desire to be an APA has diminshed.

would being an APA be awesome? yeah.
but so would working in a lab.

i'm not upset by my new realizations, either.
which is comforting.
i dont feel like i'm giving up on my dream just because of the list of reasons i've made lately against me being an APA.
i just feel like my dream has shifted.

which is okay.