heart

i am so screwed for my micro exam.
i should have studied more yesterday but i didn't have time.
i have 2 hours before i have to leave... but i need a break.

mom thinks i should go to the dr and get my heart checked out.
it's still being weird.
and when i workout-- it's annoying.
i'm ready to increase resistance and intensity with everything i'm currently doing. i'm strong enough to make things harder. but when i do, my heart rate goes up into the 170s and feels likes its going to explode, so i have to back off. so all of my workouts feel pointless. i have to stay at wimpy levels and wimpy speeds just to keep my heart rate in a somewhat normal range. so i don't get tired, or out of breath or sweaty, because i'm hardly doing anything.
i don't even try bike riding anymore. my heart rate always goes up to 175 just during a warmup.
even just walking up a flight of stairs, i get out of breath and my heart is pounding. seriously unnecessary.

it's annoying.
no wonder increasing the exercise isn't doing me any good, weight loss wise. i'm not even doing anything when i do exercise. i might as well just sit there.

i dont want to go to the dr though.
i'm sick of drs and appts.
and i dont want to be one of those people who run to the dr at any little sign or symptom of anything.

mom pointed out that it's been going on for a long time, though.

true.

i don't know.

why can't my body just cooperate with me?
why is there always a battle?