crash

What's with these damn moods of mine?
Why do I have to wake up to darkness?
Why do the colors have to disappear?
Why does my heart beat out of my chest?
Why do I shake so badly?

Why do I crave pain?


I'm tired of feeling this way.
I'm tired of having things to do and not being able to muster up the strength to do them.
Just getting out of bed. Just getting dressed. Just doing any simple everyday task is so draining. I don't even want to leave the house. I need to. Eventually today, I need to. I have things to do. I'm an adult. I have responsibilities.

But all I feel capable of doing right now is crawling back into bed, pulling my blankets up over my head and crying until I fall back to sleep.
That, and maybe cutting first.

I hate feeling this way.
It makes me feel guilty.
I have no reason to feel this way.
None at all.

Except that my brain is retarded and likes to decide my moods for me.
stupid brain.
maybe i can trade brains with one from the lab.

No one would notice, right?




i hate today.