"We don't care what we have done and seen"

I have no more college classes to attend.  No more presentations.  No more papers.  I have 3 exams left.  That's it.


Shouldn't I feel relieved?  But I don't.

I'm just stressed out.

I have another doctor appointment tomorrow for the MRI results.

I can't even think straight.

I have so much to do.  So much to study.

I need to get the wedding invitations addressed and mailed.  When?
I need to work.  When?
I need to do lab stuff.  When?
I need to study study study study study study study. When?
I need to get a new social security card. When?

I need to breathe.  When?

I have a final on Thursday.  The shower is this sunday.  I have two finals on Monday. (they were all supposed to be on Monday... i got one moved, thankfully).

I need to work out, and I've been trying to schedule some exercise time in each day (which hasn't been successful), for my own sanity.  but then I feel guilty working out when I know have so much other stuff to do.  But if i don't workout, then I lose my sanity, and then I can't get anything done anyway.

I have a dress fitting on Friday.

FRIDAY!!  I've barely worked out in two months.  I haven't measured or weighed myself since then because I've been too scared to know.  What if I'm too big?  What if my dress is too small?  It fit last time I put it on.  What if it's too tight on Friday?  a'wsldfkjnmas;dolfgnjasedlkfnmas

oh, and now i'm a bridesmaid for a friend two weeks after my wedding.  her wedding was supposed to be in august, but oops... they got pregnant, so now it's moved up and she needed another bridesmaid because her other one couldn't come up in june.  so now i have to figure out all of that and find a dress (and fit into said dress).

have i mentioned how much i hate my body?
i feel disgusting.
absolutely disgusting.

i can't stand myself.

and i have other stuff to do, that isn't hard, i just feel paralyzed. 
I have to call Mrs W about singing at the wedding.
I have to call and schedule an appt. with the cake lady.
I have to email Fr Ben about the rehersal.

nothing hard.  Just... stuff.  and i keep putting it off.
because i just can't think about anything. 
I'm trying to think about molecular pathology, molecular diagnositcs, and law and ethics in health care.
so that i can pass the finals and graduate in two weeks. 
but even that isn't working because I'm so stressed out.

i'm so stressed out.


(Title: lyrics to Uphill Battle by Saosin)