Can't breathe

What on earth is going on with me now?

I had to take a xanax at work yesterday. But then I couldn't work much longer because I zoned out.

I've been fighting the urge all day to take one.  I finally gave in and took half.  I figured I'd take one right before class tonight so that I don't freak out for the presentation.  But I already took half.... so I guess I'll be taking another half in an hour and a half...

I'm shaking like crazy.  And you know that weird feeling when it feels like you insides are going to drop down and then you get all warm and your heart starts racing?  That keeps happening... but... every other minute.  I keep getting that horrible anxiety-ridden feeling.  All the freaking time.  And that feeling scares me.  Because it reminds me of panic attacks.  And then I get scared because I'm on campus, currently by myself, and, not that I ever want to have a panic attack, but I sure as hell don't want to have another one here when I'm stuck on campus for another 4.5 hours.  Especially since I do have to give a solo presentation.  And if I have a full blown one... then I'm screwed. 

I'm not even that worried about the presentation.  I know the material inside and out-- it's my own case history for pete's sake.  It only has to be 10-15 minutes.  And it's for classmates that I've known for at least 2 years.  Plus, no one will be paying attention, or remember how I do.  So really, it's not even the presentation.

I don't know what it is.  I just can't wait for school to be over because I can't handle everything all at once.  I haven't been able to exercise, which I know isn't helping anything, because I've either been too tired, or too busy.  Or yesterday- when I had time and energy-- my right knee hurt so badly that I couldn't workout. After the presentation, I only have two more lectures to sit through and then three finals (that are, unfortunately, all scheduled on the same day-- which happens to be the day right after the wedding shower... great timing (i would have scheduled the wedding shower for a different day but our professors screwed up the scheduling so I didn't even know when two of my finals were going to be until two days ago...).
That same week I have my first dress fitting, that I'm scared for because I've barely been able to exercise.
I have to train Rachael how to do stuff in the lab, and how to autoclave, etc.  Plus I have to do stuff in the lab and autoclave.  I have to help Dr. LP organize our MLS lab (which will be after finals, and which will be fun because that lab needs so much work- and i like organizing things).  I'm really behind at work.  I need to call Mrs W. about singing at the wedding.  I have to mail out invitations.  I have to get together all of the centerpiece stuff.

The stupid thing is- is that I don't even care about that.  The stuff I just listed... none of that is bad.  It's just... that it's all there and in the way.  I'm so busy and always thinking about or doing SOMETHING that I haven't had time to process ANYTHING. 

I can't breathe.  I JUST CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE.