no song lyric title. just stuff.

i need an off-switch for my brain.  i need an eraser so i can erase the memories.

i can't sleep tonight.  i close my eyes but just have flashbacks.

every once in awhile the memories come flooding in from nowhere.  completely unexpected everytime.

aww, i just got off the phone with Nathan again--- he had called me a few minutes ago because he saw me online and we hadn't talked all day because he worked until midnight after being in class all morning/ afternoon.  i was kind of quiet on the phone and didn't want to bring anything up because he has to get up early and it's past 1am and he needed to go to bed.  not even a minute later he called back, "are you okay tonight?  is there something bothering you?"  i said "it's been kind of a rough night... a lot of memories". 
"about what?" 
"growing up.... it really sucked back then"
-pause-
then i said "i don't know where they came from.  it's silly, i'll be fine"
we talked for a few more minutes but finally i said "okay seriously- go to bed so tomorrow doesn't completely suck for you".  he laughed and said "ok" and we said our 'i love you's and hung up.

i started crying again when he called.  i don't know if he could tell.  i thanked him for calling me again. 

he said "i can't wait for us to be married and to be together at night so that on nights like these you don't have to be alone".

i can't wait either. 
all i need right now is a nathan hug. 

59 more days.

but seriously- these stupid memories and flashbacks are silly.  and i feel so dumb for being so bothered by them every time.
it's unnecessary.

i wanted to get up early. 
i dont' know if that will be a good idea or not...
i hope i fall asleep soon.
i can't remember if i took rozerem or not.  i can't take more than one.  but i don't know if i've already taken one. 
oh well.

i'll sleep eventually, right?