well, i didn't exercise as much today. but since it was only due to time restrictions and not by my own chosing, I can't really catagorize the day into success or fail. I would have much rather done a lot more. But i had to set up the parasitology lab practical exam and my class before that ran late, so time was very limited.
the MLS society had a meeting today after one our classes and they got pizza for it. pizza sounded a lot better than my turkey sandwich i had packed for dinner, so i had a piece. except then i realized how hungry i was and had another piece. i was mentally freaking out about this. but then realized it all worked out because i didn't have it on top of my dinner, i had it instead of my dinner (that i had packed). I tracked my food when i got home and i'm still at the low end of my range. So really... crisis averted. I'm still okay.
And Lent starts again today. Lent is always hard for me. Because so many people give up foods, and as a Catholic, we're technically supposed to fast Ash Wednesday (today) and Good Friday. Not a complete fast, but there are guidelines I wont' get into here. The exception to this is if you're pregnant, nursing, or have a health condition in which you shouldn't fast. I have been told by more than one person that recovering from anorexia qualifies as that. And the last couple of years I have not fasted on these days. And unlike most everyone else, what I gave up was not food related. I just can't. I can't equate food with my faith. I love my faith and aside from this I try to be the best Catholic that I can be. But I refuse to relate fasting to God, even though for the normal person, it makes sense. (besides, fasting isn't THAT much of a sacrifice to me, i mean... seriously).
But it gets hard around here because my parents are "hardcore" Catholics. Us kids joke around that if my parents hadn't met they'd be a priest and a nun. My dad's an ordained deacon as it is. So of course they're fasting today. And during lent they don't eat snacks between meals or after dinner (and whatever else they do). But... I ate today (i made sure to pack my food for the day before they got up and came downstairs to see it). And I do eat snacks between meals, because that's what my RD has me do. And I'm scared if I don't, bad things will follow.
There's a lot of guilt that comes with being in my family.
Since I was 7, my parents fast every wednesday and friday (again, not a complete fast- and again, i won't go into details). But for us kids, since we were young and still growing, we just didn't eat meat every wednesday and friday (like how people don't eat meat on Fridays during lent--- we just did it all year). If I ever went to a friends house on a Friday night and they were having meat for dinner, I'd feel SO guilty about it afterwards. I didn't want to be rude and refuse to eat with them, but oh no! I had meat on a Friday!
Ugh.
When I was in the hospital I had to have a couple phone sessions with my parents. And during our first one I told them I was not following that anymore. That not eating meat was not a sacrifice for me, and neither was fasting (obviously). I told them that if I need a protein source, and it happened to meat, and it happened to be a wednesday or a friday, then fine. I was going to eat meat to get my protein. I also told them I wasn't ready to fast during lent. They got it. At least they did then. They're used to the meat on wednesday and friday thing... but my mom seemed kind of surprised when she found out i wasn't fasting today. And i wanted to be like, "i really cant' handle it right now". but then i was afraid that would tip her off... like, "wait, right now? what's going on with you right now? ARE YOU RELAPSING?".
ugh.
wow, this post is a lot longer than i ever intended it to be.
so, i think this year for lent, i'm actually going to focus on food, but in a different way. I'm going to try really hard to get my minimum 70 grams of protein everyday. I hate protein. I gag at the thought of it. I can't tell you the last time I've reached my minimum. So jokingly the other day my mom mentioned i should try to get all my protein everyday during lent. but seriously- that will be really hard and a really good sacrifice. all the while not depriving my body and focusing on treating it well. I think that's a good compromise.
I actually managed 80 grams today! Day one and I'm already an overachiever. haha.
Nathan is so stressed out. I wont see him tomorrow, afterall. well- i might for a few minutes on campus but we can't hang out tomorrow night like i thought we would. he doesn't work friday but i have tentative plans with jayme on friday (because i assumed he be working). turns out he works saturday instead. hopefully jayme and i can hang out saturday instead because i am missing Nathan like crazy right now. and he needs to relax after this hell week.
olympics are on- mom just came to tell me that. i think that's her passive aggressive way of telling me i need to get out of my room and go downstairs. i guess it wouldn't hurt to not be antisocial tonight. except i had a long day on campus surrounded by a lot of people. hibernating is kinda nice...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
It's good that you're able to stick to having a Lent that is healthy and still meaningful. You are able to realize that the meaning of Lent is to sacrifice something, and sacrificing your health is not a thing to sacrifice. I like the idea of trying to eat more protein... unless if counting/tracking food is a habit you want to break.
Good work, Andi!
Counting and tracking food is okay for me. It's not obsessive and it hasn't been leading to restricting like it did in the beginning. It just helps--- especially when I'm packing food for my 13 hour days. Looking at everything in my cooler seems like SO much all at once, so if I can count it all up and reassure myself that it's a good amount since it's spread throughout the day. Otherwise I'd probably under-pack and be hungry all day.
Post a Comment