Do not disturb

Email to Lisa number 1:
I'm at xxxx calories so far this week before counting Saturday... I kind of want to run tomorrow but I know I'm supposed to decreasing every week and last week I did xxxx.  I'm kind of torn on what to do... especially because Sunday will probably be a rest day, too.

Email to Lisa number 2:
Ok, my dilemma with running has increased.  I haven't "released" any weight this week.  Last week when I lost 2 lbs i thought "ok, maybe this WILL work".  Now I'm scared again.

Email from Lisa:
You released 2 pounds last week so it’s still averaging 1 a week

You look perfect to me.

Don’t let ED keep wanting you to get scrawny.

This is a better exercise level than before I think.

Room to breathe and have a life.

 

"Room to breath and have a life".  Maybe that's what I'm scared of... ?  If I'm caught up in the ED- whether it's restricting or exercise (only exercise right now- I'm still not restricting), then I can avoid life.  I can isolate.  I only exercise alone.  I hate doing it with other people (unless it's a spinning class).  So it's my alone time.  It's the time of day I don't have to deal with people.  The more time I spend working out, the less time I have to be social.  And lately, all I've felt like doing is isolating.  I hate going to work during the week because that's when people are there.  If I go on the weekends I have the clinic to myself and not have to talk to anyone.  I haven't wanted to hang out with any friends.  I didn't see anyone over break last week (jayme was in flordia, though... i'm sure we would have hung out).   I avoid the health science computer lab because all of the MLS people are always in there.  I'm sick of most of them.  So I go to the no-talking floor of the library in between classes- or go to the gym.  I dread my TA job because I have to deal with students- and some of them drive me insane.  I'm sorry, but I"m so sick of the foreigners.  SPEAK ENGLISH.  And try to understand it.  AND STOP CHEATING!!!!!  Seriously- if you can't understand the stuff we're doing in the lab, then maybe you're not meant to be a med tech.  I know that's mean, but they don't even try half the time.  They expect people to just give them answers.  AND THEY CHEAT.  /end rant

Moral of the story- if it isn't Nathan, I don't want to be around them.  So basically, I don't want to have room to breathe and have a life.  I'm okay with isolating.