called

after talking to tess, and then with Nathan, i decided to call Ronee and tell her that i was not okay to speak at the thing today. i apologized like crazy becuase i felt like a jerk doing it, but like Tess said- it was kind of a jerk thing to do to spring that on me without asking first. I tried to be okay with it. Ive tried to relax about it and calm down and just bite the bullet and do it, but its not working.
ronee was like "not even one little part?" and "haven't you had to give a presention before for a class or anything?" she didn't make it easy. I felt really bad. I still do, but Tess kept saying "yeah, but if that's what you have to do to make you okay and to not affect your classes, then it's what you have to do".
i have to see Ronee tomorrow afternoon.

i want to crawl into a hole.

im going to relax for a little bit, calm down, maybe study. then go to work.
i've just been granted 5 more hours of Sunday.

i hope she forgives me.
i'm still new to this whole standing up for myself thing.
it's not that easy..