bombarded

Avery's birthday party was fun. Brandon and Jenny were there, too. I played with Natalie a lot before dinner. She's so fricking cute I can barely stand it.

After presents and birthday stuff i went to Avery's closet to study so that I could have some quietness. (it's a spacious closet and has a light, and it's the only other option i had since it's a small temporary apt.)
I got a little bit done for mycology, but hardly enough.

I had gone over a little bit of hematology in the morning, but hardly enough of that either.

Im going to try getting to the 7am Mass tomorrow so that i can get to work early and hopefully study a little bit before the dreaded induction ceremony. mom suggested taking ativan before hand. i have to get there an hour before it starts, so if i take it as soon as i get to campus i wont have to drive while on it. Nathan said i should do the same thing when he called tonight- without knowing mom said that. So... okay. I will. Hopefully I can find it. I think I have a couple left.

I've been freaking out. i just feel bombarded with so many things all at once. so i just shut down. but i don't have time to shut down.
lack of time, lack of exercise, lack of studying, lack of space in my brain for all of this information. The stress of these exams that cover a lot of stuff. The fact I never was asked to do this thing tomorrow, simply told, after the programs were already printed. It pisses me off. The fact that Avery's party was today and that the thing is tomorrow and that it's bad timing. and i'm freaking out because i haven't exercised for a few days and I don't know when I"ll get the chance to... probably not until Friday. and that's not okay with me. but i dont have much choice because these exams are big and i can't blow it just because i had to workout.
when did my priorities change? eh, probably once my classes got harder? it's harder to study while working out now that things are more detailed. i can't multitask as well... and something has to give.

rozerem is kicking in. Good.
I'm in desperate need of sleep and 6am is going to come very quickly.
I can't wait for this weekend, and this week to be over with.
I wish i could bail on Ronee, or yell at her, or something (angry emails don't count). but i can't do that to her.
i wish i could. i wish i was that type of person. i wish we weren't friends (that sounds wrong... just.. if we weren't friends i wouldn't feel as bad backing out last minute)

whatever. i quit as secretary once this is over. it'll look good at my interviews this summer and i'll get the honor cords when i graduate. Good enough for me.
and im never doing this again.