go away.

i want, so badly, to be home alone right now. but no. dad's home.
mom left. not sure where she went. i had fallen asleep in my room awhile ago on accident. when i woke up she was gone.
i don't know why it matters if dad is home or not. but i absolutely hate it when he is. i need to study biochem tonight, and whether he is here or not, that's what i'll be doing. so why does it matter that he's in the other room watching the hockey game?
it shouldn't matter.
except it does.
i get so tense when he's around.

i hold my breath everytime i pull into my driveway- praying that there will be no cars parked there. or at least- only my mom's car. i feel like swearing whenever dad's car is parked there.

completely unreasonable.

i was actually home for dinner tonight. i ate so fast, just so that i could go back upstairs.
i didn't want to be there when dad was also at the table.

this is stupid.

but i wish that he'd just go somewhere.
remember that he had some weird errand to do tonight or something. or go to bed early. anything.
just so that he wouldn't be here.

i just want to be alone.

i wish i could move out.