I don't want a bandaid

so that exam yesterday was stupidly easy. i was done in 15 minutes and took another 5 to go through the whole thing again to check my answers. it was so general and broad. i did not have to study as much as i did. huh, funny- i thought a 400 level microbio class would be... a challenge? i'm glad that it was easy- i confident i got an A, but i'm mad that it was easy. it means my extra effort didn't even count for anything. someone who rolled out of bed late could have looked over the notes briefly and done just fine. i know that knowledge isn't a waste- but at the cost of my sanity...?
at least i know microbio won't be as insane as i thought. i'm sure it'll get more difficult as we progress, but her tests aren't horrible.

biochem, on the other hand...

ugh. that class makes me want to curl up and cry. so i'll avoid that topic for now.


had yoga again tonight. i felt really good afterwards. really loose and open and i didn't feel sad today. i felt free, almost.

i think i'm lactose intolerant again.
i went back and forth with it when i was younger. then for so long i didn't eat much of... anything, but hardly any dairy, and then when i did start eating, my stomach was so messed up in general, i couldn't tell if anything in particular made it worse. but today at lunch, i ate my sandwich and was fine, then had string cheese and my stomach bothered me all afternoon after that. it's not the first time i've noticed that happening. cottage cheese doesn't seem to bother me- it never did before- and i've heard that's easier to digest and doesn't give many lactose intolerant people trouble, so that isn't anything to go by. and i still don't drink milk- aside from the smallest of splash i'm willing to put on my cereal just to get it wet. so that isn' tmuch to go by either.

it seems weird to me, though, that i'd go back and forth with the lactose intolerance. you'd think that i either was, or wasn't.
but since middle school, it was always off and on.
i'm going to avoid cheese for awhile and see if i notice a change.
i wonder if i should avoid cottage cheese, too, just in case... but that's such an easy way to get my protein exchanges in, it's a shame to get rid of that option.


oh!
nathan's sister, bethany, finally cut and dyed my hair last night!! it's just below my shoulders, with lots of layers, and it's a dark reddish brown. i love it! it's so much shorter than i thought she'd take it, and it's weird to not have long hair going half way down my back, but i really like how it turned out.


i took rozerem tonight, since i have to wake up at 6am. i didn't take anything last night and was awake until 4am.
i'm getting really really annoyed with having to take meds to sleep.
i'm tired of taking meds. i really am.
i wish i could get off them all.
but seriously- this sleep thing has got to get resolved.
something has to be able to fix me.
i want it fixed- not just treated and covered up.
how come everything that's wrong with me isn't curable... just treatable.
i dont want to be on treatment until i die.
i'm determined to get off meds sooner or later.
i'll need to when i have kids.
that scares me..

anyway, the point of that ramble was to say that the rozerem is kicking in, and so i'm off to bed.