Too critical

I need to start writing more.

I think I've stopped writing so much because a lot of days, I don't have much to write about except for what I happened to do that day. And somehow writing that isn't good enough for me. I have to stop being so critical of what I write. There is no right or wrong when it comes to a journal. This is my space to write whatever I want to write. If it's entries full of mundane things, then fine.
So I've decided to try to write something everyday, even if it's meaningless events of the day, just to get back in the habit of writing again. Either here, my livejournal, or my paper journals. Just... something. i used to write pages and pages everyday. my online journals- i'd have up to 6 entries a day. now... i'm lucky if it's once a week.

I have it in my head that my journals and what I write has to be perfect.
how is that even possible?
so no wonder I have hardly been writing.

perfectionism leads to procrastination leads to paralysis.

so true.


So today.
Had medical biochem this morning. It isn't too bad so far. It will get bad soon, though.
went the gym. but felt really off. i couldn't put a good effort into anything i was doing. i hate when that happens.
when i got home, mom asked if i was feeling alright because I look really pale.
"i'm always pale"
"no, more pale that normal. you look white."

I don't know.
My body never fully feels fine, so it's hard to tell when i'm getting sick.

Lisa emailed me and asked if I'd want to increase my exercise. she told me how much i could increase it without having to increase food intake.
awesome.
i hope it helps.
i hope i feel well enough to actually do it.
i emailed her back and asked her how long it should take for my body to trust me that i won't start starving again.
i'm trying to be patient but this is getting annoying.
July 6th. I haven't restricted since then.
So... what's the deal?


i should go upstairs and study a little before everyone gets here.
once they do, studying will go out the window.
i kind of hate my birthday.