Ready or not

got up this morning at 8 and studied until 1030. got ready to go, went to yoga. had a good practice (lynne's class!).
after yoga, i decided not to workout and study at the same time, like i had planned. i figured i'd have a half-ass workout and half-ass studying that way. i went to the library and studied more and had lunch. no workout today. which sucks.
the exam is in an hour. i needed a break.
it's not that it's difficult, it's just a lot of memorizing. i should have studied more when Casey was home. but between that and my downshift of mood that week/weekend, that didn't happen. so of course, here i am, scrambling to catch up in time.
i won't let myself do this again.
i hate feeling unprepared.

this always happens though- i doubt my readiness for an exam, and then end up being fine.
but just because it's happened in the past, doesn't mean that it will happen again today. i can't say "i always pull it off" and relax about it, because then i won't pull it off.
the problem with this is, i never know actually how much i needed to study and how much extra time and stress i waste on it.
how do i ever know when it's enough?
will i remember that aminoglycosides irreversibly attach to the 30s subunit on the ribosome and cause it to missread the mRNA or stop the reading all together, and that it works on gram negative rods? will i remember nalidix acid works on gram negive bacteria, or that levifloxacin works on gram pos. aerobes? or that vancomycin is a large glycopeptide that is too large to work on gram negitives because of their LPS (lipopolysaccharide), but works on gram positives because they dont have LPS?
do i only remember this because that was the last thing i looked at?
will i remember in an hour?



anyway.
i left yoga feeling... sad.
i can't explain it.
i guess i don't have time to explain it. i have to leave the library in 40 minutes.
it's bacteria time.