running!

no more osteopenia!!!!!!!!! it was the best possible Outcome afterall. What a miracle!
i ran for 3 whole minutes at PT today(1 minute, 3 times). *raises eyebrow*
more of a tease than anything... but at least it's something and a start. i know i have to start out slowly... even though i think 3 minutes is beyond "slowly". but it isn't just my bones- it's my muscles and tendons and the tibial torsion messes with everything too. my muscles had atrophied (in my ankles and hips) and they aren't used to running.

i was doing lunges on the bosu ball after my 3 minutes of running and my left foot cramped up really badly. i tried to hide it from my PT (because i dont want to hear i have to put off the running) but of course she noticed. luckily she didn't seem overly concerned. i told her flexor hallicus longeus felt weird when i was running. not painful, but kind of stressed and tired. since thats where the tendonitis was it's not too suprising. i'm allowed to run a little bit more before thursday which will be my last day of PT. she wants to see how my feet handle it.
it's good that i work there... she said i can follow up with her whenever im in to work and if i want i can have her watch me run again if i think something feels off. She's so nice.
custom orthotics might be in order because of the tibial issues. and the navicular bone drops a little bit- which stresses flexor hallucis longus even more.
annoying but at least now my feet/calf problems make sense.

i hope i can run more soon.
i won't go crazy with it. i promise.
but seriously- i need more than 3 minutes!

Counting down

Two more days until i get the density results back...

i am beyond nervous.

the good thing about Friday is that directly after the dr appt, we're going to the warp tour. and Saosin, one of my all time favorite bands, will be there. So if the news is bad, i can listen to them and let the music help to heal (and distract) me. If the news is good i can go and celebrate.


physics exam tomorrow.
i need to go and finish studying.
not too worried about it.
i just need to go through the practice exam.

waiting

had my bone density scan today.

i dont know how many times and in how many ways i had to say i did not want my wrist scanned before they finally let me not have it done.

all i had last summer was my hip and my spine. all my dr needs to know is if there has been improvement within this year. since i have no previous results of my wrist denisty, that would mean nothing.

besides, i don't go running on my hands.

the lady didn't believe me that I didn't have my wrist scanned last summer. then she asked how many stress fractures i've had. and i said "a lot". she needed me to be more specific (why, i have no idea). so i said 4 in my femurs. "are you sure in your femurs?" "yes" "how far apart were those." "all within a year" "you're sure it was your femurs?" "Yes."
She asked how many in my tibias. i just laughed at her. I have no idea. I lost track. I said probably 3 or 4 in the last couple years but that i used to get them a lot back when i was actually running a lot (and im not confusing them with shin splints). i told her about my 3rd metatarsel fracture when i was 17, too.

When i was leaving she asked "now, you're sure it was your femurs?"

Ok, seriously? I had already told her I had osteopenia. Her job is doing this test, so I'm sure she's seen people come in with stress fractures all over the place. If i have weak bones, why is it THAT hard to believe it was my femurs?
No lady, i meant fibula. i have no concept of anatomy.

anyway.
i was fighting back tears the whole time i was there. i was so NERVOUS. i still am.
i have to wait until next Friday- a full week- before I see my dr again.

There are 4 possible outcomes:

1) My bones are weaker than last year. Very very unlikely. But I would be completely unconsolable.

2) My bones are the same as last year. Is a possibility. Pretty much unconsolable with this outcome, too.

3) My bones are stronger, but still osteopenic. Better than Outcomes 1 and 2, because at least there will be improvement- which gives me some hope. I will still be upset though, if it means I can't run.

4) My bones are no longer osteopenic and I have the green light to run. Obviously, the best Outcome. But I fear this is as unlikely as Outcome 1. It's been one year. How much can bones change in one year?


I'm trying to relax.
But I'm just so nervous.


I don't have the strength in me to be dealt another blow of bad news. I'm already broken from my neurologist appt.
I can't handle any more.

go away

ive been too sensitive lately.

crying over the littlest thing.

my mood has dropped.

and it's taking less and less to set me over the edge.


i haven't even wanted to talk to anyone today.
i just want to be alone.


so.
now what.

TdF (what else?)

Levi! I like this picture.

I don't know how I'm doing. I'm mostly just numb right now. Trying to focus on getting through each day- it's enough to keep my mind occupied. I need a break though. I need to put life on PAUSE. Just for a moment. Please. Just for a moment.


Luckily it's July, and that means the Tour de France! I love it.
It's kind of slow... None of the break aways are really much danger to the overall leaders and the overall times haven't changed in quite awhile. Team Astana (with Levi and Lance) are basically dominating the tour and no one wants to attack them until the Alps- which starts next Tuesday. It'll get really exciting in the Alps!
Right now, Astana riders are in 2nd (6 seconds back), 3rd (lance- 8 seconds back), 4th (Levi 39 seconds back), and 6th place (54 seconds back). Not too shabby. But yeah- kind of boring (*gasp* did I just say that?). Only boring because not much has been happening lately. There have been a lot of flat stages- more than I remember there being. And flat stages--- nothing really happens except exciting sprint finishes (Cavendish has won all of them). They were only in the Pyrenees for I think 3 stages... so that's weird. I'm looking forward to the Alps.




Instead of LIVEstrong... I like it better as LEVIstrong. ;)

.

I'm having a bad day.

no rest

i'm tired.
and i'm worn out.

and i can't handle too much more right now.

unfortunatly, i have a physics exam tomorrow.
and i still have a lot of studying to do.

but i just came back from therapy... so now all i feel up to doing is curing up in bed and closing my eyes.

...

defeated

will my body ever be healthy?

i seem to get sick whenever i start having kick ass workouts. i guess if im not getting stage 4 sleep ever, i'm wearing it out even more. how cna you have an immune system if you never actually sleep?

3 people have commented on how often ive been getting sick lately.


i've had my fill of appts. i want to be done.
between the sport medicine dr for my legs/feet, the PT 3x a week, therapy every 2 weeks, and my neurologist, i have to go to the dentist at some point, i have to get my thyroid levels checked and see my primary care dr about my thyroid meds, i still need to schedule my bone density scan (which im avoiding), and now i have to call up the heart doctor and then make an appt. with a sleep specialist that works along side w. my neurologist because he wants to bring someone else in on my case because he's pretty much stumped.

plus i have 2 jobs and an accelerated physics 2 class that i suck at. oh, plus i need to workout for my "sanity" (when im not sick with a 102.5 degree temp), and sleep, even though that seems like a waste of time since I dont actually sleep when I'm "sleeping". (FUCK YOU, BODY!) And the tour de france to watch (which might sound dumb, but i wasn't home to watch it last year so it's been 2 years since i've gotten to do this and be this excited. This is my one thing i enjoy every summer. i AM going to watch it). oh, plus i have a fiance, friends, and a family to spend time with. and a wedding to plan. and my internship interviews to prepare for and set up.

no big deal, right?

i'm feeling really defeated.
i was so hopeful that my brain rewired itself and that i was getting good sleep.
Not even with the meds is that happening. I was so hopeful i'd have a chance of coming off my meds. of being okay when nathan and i decide to have children and i get pregnant. how will i be okay?









how am i ever going to be a mommy?

bad day.

I"m having a bad day.
NOt only did i wake up with a 101.5 degree fever, a nose oozing green goo and my bronchitis cough reappearing, I had an appt. with my neurologist about the sleep study results.

I still don't get any stage 4 and hardly any stage 3 sleep. i'm primarly in stage 2, which isn't really anything worthwhile. His concern over my weird heart beat/rate/rhythems is preventing him from tweaking medications at all. Anything else he wants to try affects the heart, increasing anything that I'm on affects the heart. So he wants me to see an electrophysiologist ASAP to get my heart checked out by an expert. to rule out any problems with it. until that happens he won't adjust the meds.

I thought after 3 years of treatment SOMETHING would have changed in my brain. I was so hopeful. Why am I ever hopeful going into see a doctor for results? Don't I know better by now???
I've been putting off the bone density scan because I'm scared.

i need a new brain and a new heart and new bones.
is that too much to ask for?

them bones, them bones

So I dissected a pig tonight. Nic, my dad and i got most of the meat off of it so people could eat. Then after that I went back at it and had fun. Pigs have more bones than we do. and more vertebrae and ribs. I was fascinated!!! I thought it would be cool to take all of the bones and recreate the skeleton, but people thought i was weird already so I only took some of the bones (both scapulae, half of the pelvis, vertebrae, ribs, and some random leg/arm bones that seemed odd. I think one was a tibia and one was a fibula, but then there were bones going even lower than that so it made no sense!!! It was fun.

So now i have 2 ziplock bags full of pig bones in the fridge. I'm going to have fun tomorrow!!!

old thoughts

Yesterday didn't go so well. I couldn't stand the feeling of food in my stomach. I got panicky if I felt full at all, or didn't feel hungry. I didn't manage to have any lunch or snacks. I just couldn't get myself to do it.

We went out to eat last night with all of Nathan's family, plus his aunt, uncle and cousin from TN. 13 in all. I didn't manage to eat much, but I don't think anyone noticed, except maybe his one sister who kept eyeing me a little.

I don't know where that came from. I have my theories, but I'm really not sure.
I think part of it is that I've finally lost a little bit of weight (the healthy way), and it felt good to fit into some old clothes again, and it kind of brought me back to how it was when i started losing all of the weight really rapidly (not that i lost the weight rapidly this time).
Plus i was weighing myself every morning for awhile. I need to not do that. I hadn't done that for well over a year and a half. And I don't know why I started. Curiosity, maybe.

But it scared me- two ways. First, the thought scared me- the thought that I used to have every waking moment of my life for a really long time. And second, because part of me didn't care... and was excited by it.


I've managed to eat today. Going to a pig roast at Nathan's sister's tonight, though. And so I'm not sure what to expect, and I hate not being able to plan my meals ahead to know how to have the rest of my day go. I usually figure the whole day out in the morning so I can get everything together right then and there. And I can't do that tonight. Because I have no idea what i'll be able to eat there. I still have half of my day's worth of calories to go, though, and only dinner and an evening snack to go (if i end up breaking it up that way). I've just been nervous so my lunch and afternoon snack were on the small side to "prepare" for tonight.

What's going on in my head right now?
Why am I freaking out again?

no.

i'm having a really hard time eating today.

so... this pretty much sucks.

i'm way too torn on this right now.

and i know this isn't good.

liar

One month into physical therapy and my feet still suck, apparently. Tried working out today but my pain was 10 out of 10... which pretty much prevents me from doing anything but sitting on my butt. I did upper body lifting. and managed some walking before the pain shot up to a 10 (started out probably at a 6 or 7 (worked out anyway because im stubborn)- and all i had done this morning before that was work, which is just sitting at a desk for 4 hours... so why would that make them cramp and hurt?????)

It's so annoying. I could have lost weight by now, if only I could get some decent workouts in. But no, my feet have to suck and hate me.

I can barely walk around the house right now because it hurts to put weight on my feet.
I thought they were getting better. I told my PT that yesterday during my re-eval. But they made a liar out of me today. Damn feet.

I'm really frustrated today.

my silly body.

had PT again this morning. had a re-eval, which was interesting. my ankles are getting stronger and i have a lot more ROM, but still not enough and im still weaker than i should be. i got a new exercise to do- which is all balancing on one foot at a time (while i pull a weighted cable across in front of me). hahahahahahaha what a joke! i have no balance. my ankles were wobbling all over the place and i kept on tipping over. after that my legs and ankles are so tired.

it didn't help that i couldn't sleep last night.
which was SO frustrating because i fell asleep at Nathan's, or at least was about to. so I left his house thinking I'd be able to crash as soon as i got home. Nope. of course not. i went to bed, couldn't sleep, got up a couple times, finally went back to bed around 2:30, tossed and turned all night. i was so anxious, i kept freaking out and i have no idea why. i'd have to lay there and remind myself to breathe deeply and slowly and to relax. at one point i yelled at myself "ANDI! STOP THIS! RELAX ALREADY!" (it's a good thing im home alone this week so my parents didn't hear me yelling at myself!) i think i finally got to sleep around 5.

i called him this morning and said "we need to get married. i seem to only be able to sleep when im with you"

343 more days!

saw my sports dr this morning (before PT- so i had to get up at 7, after being up all night. blech). got a prescription for the bone density scan!
I asked my PT, Kim, when she thinks i could run if my bones end up being strong enough.
She said that at the 6 week mark i might be ready to start working my way into it(doing things on the trampoline and mini jumps on the total gym to get used to the bouncing movements). my 6 week mark would probably be when i get the results of the scan back, which is perfect timing, which makes me even more hopeful that God is making it all work out and that i'll be running soon.
i have a good feeling about my bones. maybe i'm just trying to be hopeful and that's why. but i don't know- i can't explain it. i just feel like my bones are going to be okay.

i want to work out today.
but i'm really tired.
i'm definitely too tired to focus at work, so im not even going to try.

annoying.

GTCA

Follow up to the PCR song. This one is also hilarious.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bF2QalUj1Y&feature=related

The PCR song

this is SO funny.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5yPkxCLads

1:40 is hilarious.

and "it's amazing what heating and cooling and heating will do"

stumped

the physical therapists are stumped. they can't figure out what exactly is wrong. Don today said it's possible nerve related. he said my symptoms aren't consistant w. plantar faciitis, and even tendonitis wouldn't cause the severe cramping in my feet that i have.

i told him they've been feeling better- still cramping but not as intense- but that it's difficult to tell if it's because of the PT or because I've cut back on the exercise and stopped doing things that aggrivated it in the past (or if it's related to the orthotics im trying). So before my next appt on Tuesday, I have permission to try doing things again to see if it's any better! Yay! bring on the treadmill w. an incline! bring on more time w. things! woo!!

hopefully i do okay with it. i want to improve... i feel like i'm a bad patient if i don't.

he thought about having a stress test and then getting blood taken immediately after to test my levels of stuff then. i guess that's a possibility but aren't stress tests done by running on a treadmill?

I'll run if they want me to.... but i think that would be frowned upon.

Koundinya I and II

now, I can also do these.

:)

Fun!

forearm stand

I can finally do this.

I got headstand pretty quickly, so I don't know why I had so much trouble with this one.

Next goal: scorpion

zzz

why have I been so tired lately?

blech. too much to do today to be tired.

go away

ive been feeling down today (and it isn't because the wings didn't win last night... i'm over it- pittsburgh wanted it more and outplayed us).
i thought taebo would help, but it didn't. just made me more tired.

brandon and jenny are having people over today. i thought it was next saturday but when brandon called me to see where i was, i still didn't feel like driving out there to be around people. (i didn't tell him that though)

tomorrow is a dissection for anatomy lab. even though im not currently a TA it really doesn't matter. Once a TA, always a TA. I was going to go tomorrow because I'd get to dissect ribcages which are one of my favorite things to dissect, but also because Jayme is going to be there and i haven't seen her since finals. but my heart isn't in it. maybe i'll stop in there. i need to go to the MLS lab and autoclave and do other things, and i want to go to the gym, so i'll be there. I don't know.. i just don't want to be around people right now. i want to hide away.

Nathan is the exception. he's working tonight though, so i cant hang out with him. Tomorrow night, though. So that's good.

what does work and my feet have in common? They both suck.

my feet hurt today :( i haven't exercised since Wednesday, so I haven't even earned this cramping. jerks.

hopefully i can get through some kickboxing...




there have been tons of charts at work I haven't been able to find in months. it's been SO annoying. I found about 30 of them on Robb's desk today. Charts that have been discharged last november that he hasn't filled out yet. Really, Robb? Are you really going to remember their measurements and if they achieved their long term goals? I mean, seriously. Good thing I'm an internal auditor and can't get them in trouble. This is ridiculous.

Oh, and Vikki hasn't updated my binder since May 22nd, so all of the new patients since then... I can't audit their charts because I dont know who they are yet! COME ON PEOPLE! she's supposed to do that every Monday. Um...

I'm glad I won't work there forever. This isn't my career. I have to remind myself that everytime I go in.

friday

i had PT at 7am. yuck. i dont really like 7am. which is annoying because i USED to be a morning person.

my ROM in my ankles is slightly improving. subjectively, i can't tell a difference yet, but hopefully soon. she added forward lunges to my exercises and my feet hated that. :/

i'm tired.

i really need to start looking into my internship interviews. the whole thing freaks me out though... i keep putting it off.

tonight is the last hockey game of the season. whoever wins tonight wins the Stanley cup.
AHHHHHH!

we'll win. we have more depth than Pittsburgh. they have 2 good players that seem to carry their team. how they got this far is beyond me. all of our players are good. our defensemen even score regularly. our goalie has gotten assists.
so yeah.
GO WINGS!

coughing

i was pretty much asleep. then another coughing fit started and i almost threw up i was coughing so hard. this has been a common thing this week. Annoying. The past two days, Ive felt well enough during the day to not need the cough medicine, and since it knocks me out (ie: sleeping all day and night), i have gladly not taken it. However, the coughing comes back at night. I do not understand why. Nathan thinks maybe its because I get tired and my body has a harder time fighting it off. I was at Nathan's house Saturday night when it happened. It wouldn't stop and I could hardly catch my breath. I almost threw up in his living room, in front of his parents. Lovely, no?

I'm considering skipping philosophy in the morning. I'm not too afraid of coughing too much during class, since, as i've said, the coughing has only been bad at night lately, but rather because it's 12:35 am and I'm still coughing (i just took the codeine cough medicine... so i should be asleep once i stop coughing. Thank you, codeine). I have to get up at 6:30 to get ready for class. This leaves me less than 6 hours of sleep right before a day when I'm on campus for 13 hours. This does not sound like a good idea. I feel bad skipping class though, since I missed the majority of it on Wednesday. and because it's an accelerated class, missing one lecture is the same as missing an entire weeks worth of lectures. So basically I'll be missing 2 weeks worth of classes.

So. I don't know. Maybe i'll try waking up at 6:30 and decide then when I know how tired i am.

stupid bronchitis

KRONWALL!

Tonight was game 5 against Pittsburgh in the finals. Going into this game, the series was tied 2-2.

We shut them out 5-0!!




and... KRONWALL SCORED!!



I hate Pittsburgh. more than any other team. (except maybe Anaheim... so they might be tied) Their players are evil, hot-tempered, and overrated. and I am so looking forward to defeating them again this year (we played them in the finals last year, too- Detroit won, of course!)
we play again on Tuesday. If Detroit wins Tuesday... WE WIN THE STANLEY CUP!

Pittsburgh was so desperate tonight- check out the penalties from tonight's game:

Penalty Summary

1st Period
Detroit tripping - 2 min 7:16, N. Kronwall (oh, kronwall... haha. objectively though- it was a really lame call on the refs part. and im not the only one who thinks so)
Pittsburgh interference with goaltender - 2 min 19:39, C. Kunitz

2nd Period
Pittsburgh slashing - 2 min 5:53, S. Gonchar
Pittsburgh elbowing - 2 min 6:48, E. Malkin
Pittsburgh roughing - 2 min 13:50, C. Kunitz
Pittsburgh slashing - 2 min 17:37, S. Crosby
Pittsburgh slashing - 2 min 17:57, M. Talbot

3rd Period
Detroit roughing - 2 min 1:53, M. Hossa
Pittsburgh hooking - 2 min 7:14, E. Malkin
Pittsburgh high sticking - 2 min 15:50, P. Dupuis
Pittsburgh misconduct - 10 min 15:50, C. Adams
Pittsburgh cross check - 2 min 18:08, E. Malkin
Pittsburgh misconduct - 10 min 18:08, M. Cooke
Detroit misconduct - 10 min 18:08, B. Lebda
Pittsburgh misconduct - 10 min 18:08, M. Talbot

poor little lungs

i have viral bronchitis. :(

i finally went to the dr today and he gave me cough syrup w. codeine. and its the only thing that has really subdued the coughing. nothing else has in 5 days.

weakness

I had my first PT appt today. Went well. I'm more screwed up than i thought! or at least- in differnet ways. I have very very limited range of motion (ROM) in my ankles, and i'm very weak on the sides of my ankles with adduction and abduction. my hips are also very weak. I walk weird because of the limited ROM in my ankles. I'm short 75 degrees in dorsi flexion.
i distribute my weigh unevenly because of my twisted tibias. my ankles and the joints in my feet are tight.
i could barely stand on one leg at a time, especially when she wanted me to squat with one leg. my weak ankles were moving all over the place trying to keep me upright. i could only manage a couple calf raises on each side before my feet cramped up.

because this has been chronic, she thinks that one thing started and then my body tried to compensate by doing something else, which made something else compensate, etc. she thinks orthotics, later on, will help. but she says we need to get the strength and ROM back into my legs so that i can support myself as much as possible w.out orthotics.

Self Destruct and Die

One of my new favorite songs- It's by Dead Poetic, a rock Christian band. I like them because they aren't all "God is awesome, life is great". they get that life sucks sometimes, and their music reflects that. It's real, but there is that positive twist. The song is called Self Destruct and Die. CHECK THEM OUT!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBcQhAkK8QA

I'm only patient enough to please the masses for so long.
My brittle arms cannot hold up all the walls in this falling tomb.
I'm only caring enough (Drowning in expectation.)
To love oppressors for so long.
Until I begin to crack (I cannot disappoint them)
And the monster will soon come back.

I've got to cut the tube that feeds the undying need for this peace.

I'll self-destruct and die, if you don't allow me breathing room.
Save me from my phobia of failing you again.
I'll self-destruct and die, from the strain of pleasing the masses.
I'm the dying pacifist.

I don't need you to stop. I only need you to understand.
I dig this dagger myself (and twist and turn until I'm numb)
And I'll continue until you end it.

I've got to cut the tube that feeds the undying need for this peace.

I'll self-destruct and die, if you don't allow me breathing room.
Save me from my phobia of failing you again.
I'll self-destruct and die, from the strain of pleasing the masses.
I'm the dying pacifist.

I'm addicted to being something they will look up to and
I'm begging for someone, something, to bring me back to you.

I'll self-destruct and die, if you don't allow me breathing room.
Save me from my phobia of failing you again.
I'll self-destruct and die, from the strain of pleasing the masses.
I'm the dying pacifist.

PT

Saw the sports Dr this morning. He confirmed the fact my tibias are twisted (my friend w. a masters in biomechanics took one look at my legs yesterday and told me thats what was wrong).

And that I have compartment syndrome in both calves and tendinitis in flexor hallicus longus tendon of both feet. So... im going to start PT. blech. i hope it helps. he said the only real way to correct my twisted tibias is surgery, which is completely NOT an option. if PT doesn't help, then the orthotics will probably help to compensate for the twisting. he can tell by the calluses on my feet that i don't walk evenly. Oy.


so we'll see. maybe this will help.

and he's going to order a bone density scan in july.

do the twist

yup.

tibial torsion.

i have twisted tibias.

crazy.

Ran

i need to fall asleep soon because im getting up at 6 so that i can go to 7am Mass, then go to the gym before chicken BBQ begins at noon. however, it is almost 1am, so that really sucks.


in other news- i ran for 5 minutes today! and it felt amazing.
i was on the treadmill- walking at a really steep incline. to take a break, i took it all the way down to 3%. It felt flat to me, after being at 13% for 45 minutes... So to get it out of my system, I bumped the speed up to 5.9 and ran. amazing. i did that for a couple minutes, slowed down and went back to the incline walking. Then i went back down to 3% and ran for another couple minutes. amazing. 5 minutes is pitiful, but it is something.

i miss running. i hope i can get another bone density scan done in july- once it's been a year. and i hope it's improved. and i hope i can start running.

a

Natalie said "andi" today! if you ask her to say "aunt andi" then it comes out as "anna", which is also cute. previously she called me "a". (sounding like the being of 'aunt') So cute. she'd see me and say "a! a! a!" but tonight she finally said "Andi". My heart melted. I love that kid.

stupid feet

since my feet continue to cramp, forcing me to curl under my toes and walk on the outsides of my feet, and it feels like a sharp tearing of my tendon if i even TRY to straighten out my foot, (and- surprise, surprise- IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH ELECTROLYTES) my dr wants to see me next week to see what's up. I'm glad he's going to have to take what I say seriously and not blame it away on the nonexistant ED like he wanted to explain everything away on before. I'm not letting him do that. It isn't fair.

Mom wonders if it's my spine- since my knees and ankles suck, too. If i should go to a chiropracter. I just gave her a weird look.

Maybe i'll get an answer out of Dr R about my ankles and knees. It's the age-old question though. No one has been able to tell me why my legs are built the way they are. They are twisted. My right one more than my left. my knees rotate in while my ankles rotate out. too much stress on my ankles and knees- hence the pain. i can figure that much out. but i dont know why they twist.
stupid body.

Poor Levi!

Levi crashed today. But he got a new bike and was able to finish the race. No major injuries.

Here's how they fix you up after crashing going 30 MPH...
http://www.cyclingnews.com/photos/2009/giro09/?id=/photos/2009/giro09/giro0911/bettiniphoto_0039018_1_full

... you continue to go 30 mph... while your doctor hangs halfway out of the car.

Now that's tough. I want to see a wimpy football player do that! Pansies.

Obama and ND make me sick.

“What it should do is have Notre Dame come clean. Is it Catholic or isn’t it? A Catholic institution, a Catholic university, cannot give honors to someone who is a promoter of things that are opposed to the most fundamental beliefs of Catholics, and so that’s what needs to happen.”

“rightly the source of the greatest scandal.”:
http://www.cardinalnewmansociety.org/CardinalNewmanSociety/tabid/36/ctl/Details/mid/435/ItemID/550/Default.aspx

"I think that Notre Dame has to either follow those norms or say ‘We’re not a Catholic university anymore.’”

I don't know how they have the audacity to claim they are Catholic. They give us a bad name. Does it give them pleasure to pose as Catholics while they mislead and negatively influence so many people? Why not just become a secular university and proclaim whatever they want, since they do that anyway.

This pisses me off.

Happy us after the victory

Us at GAME 7- right after we won(!!!!!). His friend Brad (left) looks like Brian Rafalski (one of the red wings) so we call him rafalski all the time now. My friend Stephanie is on the right.

Game 1 against Chicago is today at 3! I'm so excited to watch more hockey!

i'm blind, i'm deaf, i want to be a ref!

Osgood, our amazing goalie, and an octopus. Woohoo!!! There were 4 or 5 octopi on the ice before the national anthem was even over. and tons throughout the game.

KRONWALL! That's my guy!!!

The refs were HORRIBLE last night, by the way. The ducks were beating the wings up and the refs were just looking the other way. One of our announcers actually said "you've got to be shitting me". Redmond said our coach will probably be filing a complaint against the refs. It was really bad. The whole arena started chanting "BULL SHIT! BULLSHIT!" when the refs didn't call stuff. I mean- holmstom got roughed up and his helmet got knocked off. And pronger kept crosschecking holmstom in his back, right in front of the net, and no call. terrible!

I was really proud of our guys though. They didn't let the ducks get under their skin. No fighting or anything. Which was a relief. I'm curious to see if Babcock (our coach) does anything. I think if he doesn't then Redmond (our announcer) will. And I'm curious to see how the next series against Chicago goes- if the refs will be any fairer or not.

GAME 7!

holy cow!!! The game was amazing! the arena was packed and there was so much energy. it was a close game. we were leading the whole time until the 3rd peroid- the ducks tied it up 3-3. i was so nervous to go into overtime with them. with only a few minutes left, Cleary scored so we were up a goal. i still couldn't relax because the wings have a tendency of letting in a last minute goal. everyone was on their feet cheering and chanting ("ozzie, ozzie" "lets go red wings!" "pronger sucks!" etc) until the game was over. and we won.
amazing.

now we go on to play chicago.

shut up, stomach.

Ugghhh. I'm having one of my extra hungry days. I hate these days.

Im sore all over from a crazy awesome hard workout yesterday, so I keep telling myself my metabolism is boosted a little, and that's why I'm extra hungry today.
But none of me believes that.

updates: hockey, cycling, stupid

Hockey update:
wings lost last night against the ducks in game 6. this ties the series 3-3 creating a game 7.
this game 7- I GET TO GO TO!!!! ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! i get to see kronwall tomorrow night! and we had 2 extra tickets, soi called my friend steph from highschool (HUGE hockey fan (and kronwall fan!)) and she 's coming with us. we still have an extra ticket but im sure we'll find someone.
so hopefully we win tomorrow... if not then play offs are over for us. which would be extremely sad, as we are defending champions. GO WINGS!

Cycling update:
Levi moved into 4th place today!!! even though i'm unable to watch it and can't see the other riders, i know Levi is more than capable of pulling off another win!! it goes until May 31st, though, so there's time.
Vande Velde crashed yesterday and broke 2 ribs. which is sad. He's not on Levi's team, but he's one of the few Americans.
Levi picture: http://www.cyclingnews.com/photos/2009/giro09/?id=/photos/2009/giro09/giro095/bettiniphoto_0038438_1_full
not many levi pictures since everyone is obessessed with Lance, which i find extremely annoying.

Philosophy update:
he changed our first exam to be take home. he posted it on the website today. its 50 multiple choice and true/false questions. open note. are you freaking kidding me? this is college?
whatever. im not complaining since this means i don't have to do any reading or any studying for it. i pretty much finished the exam in 30 minutes while watching philadephia win game 7 against washington (6-2. ouch!).

giro de italia

http://www.cyclingnews.com/photos/2009/giro09/?id=/photos/2009/giro09/giro093/DV506446

the pictures on this website are copyrighted, so i can't post the picture- but there they are! levi (middle) and lance (left)!

love them!

Woo!

I LOVE HOCKEY AND CYCLING!

microscopes

I need to review bacteria!!

Yesterday, JoAnn had them try to read out their plates. Not to ID anything, just say what it looked like (they took samples from a body part- most did their arm or mouth). So she asked me to help them report it out to her and she's like "don't worry, you don't need to ID it for them"

i saw the small pinpoint white colonies on a couple plates and i was kicking myself that i couldn't remember what grew like that right away. (Staph epi.)
So for the second lab, i remembered a lot better and told a few people they had staph epi growing before she mentioned it, which was cool. i recognizing other things, too, by the end. But i really want to be a lot sharper on this stuff like i used to be. Its just hard because it's been a year since i had that lab.

Showed them how to do gram stains. And then i was paranoid during the second lab becuase they are non-MLS majors (pre med, pharm, nursing), so they don't know how to use our really good microscopes. JoAnn had casually mentioned that they'd need to go on oil with 100x, but i knew none of them knew what that meant, and if you get oil on any of the other objectives, it's a very bad thing, so i spent a lot of time teaching microscope usage. i don't think anyone hurt any of them.


i slept until 11:15 this morning! amazing.
not sure what to do today.
work, for sure, but beyond that... i don't know!
i guess the gym, but i'd rather stay here to workout. I got spoiled w. my parents gone.. bummer.

stopping by

luckily the day following the 3 hours of my stupid class went better.
went to yoga, worked out a little. was going to lift today but decided against it since i was running short on time.

Got up to the lab to see Joann (the lab instructor im TAing for). She didn't know i was doing this, so she got REALLY excited to find out she had help for the summer. I helped her set up the benches and but the extra stock away. I prepped around 50 plates to incubate for Wednesday. Cleaned up between the two labs and reset everything up, cleaned everything up afterwards. Today's labs were slow since it was the intro lab, so i wasn't needed for much. I did stay for both labs, which i probably won't end up needing to do every time, but i did today since it was the first day and i needed to talk to joann after class. She definitely needs me for the first lab, though.
It was fun. I got to demonstrate how to streak a plate to one half of the room. Wooho! easy. but its fun because i know all but 3 or 4 people from the first lab, and from the 2nd, i know two of the guys really well (they're anatomy TAs with me). and its not as stressful as anatomy.
So i'm excited. i was there for almost 5 hours and it flew by really quickly. Which is good when you're getting paid.


Ryann is still without a phone, and she's picking mom and dad up from the airport tomorrow. I stopped by her house on my way home tonight (i still can't really believe that i can simply STOP BY her house now!!!) and gave her my cell phone to use in case flights change or something. i was trying to explain to her how to use it- check voicemail and whatnot if mom calls and she misses it. she seemed a little flustered.
I stayed there for almost 3 hours talking to her (joseph's out of town this week). It was a good way to end the day.

tomorrow's plan is to get up, workout at home, therapy, and then my real job for as long as i can stand being there. Mom asked me to make dinner tomorrow, and i have no idea what im going to do, or if i'll even be home from work yet because i dont know exactly when they'll get home. So that's annoying. we dont have much in the house right now... i could give them tuna salad or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. or eggs. we have some apples left. Thats what ive been doing so i don't have to go grocery shopping. haha. i dont think they'd appreciate that as much as i dont mind it, though. oh well.


ew. i have to read for philosophy tomorrow, too... bummer.

Oy.

philosophy is the worst class ever.

"how can we know that separate minds aside from ours exist?" "how do we know the external world exists?" "how do i know my body exists?"

um, because we aren't stupid!

the only interesting point was when he started talking about brains and dendrites and synapses. otherwise, i either wanted to fall asleep or laugh at him.

this is going to be a very painful 7 weeks.

why not devote time to important things?

i don't know. it's annoying. definitely not how my brain is wired because this seems like the most useless waste of a class.

but then again, how do i know that i am even in this class, or that this class even exists? maybe my school doesn't even exist and I'm still at home sleeping. maybe my home doesn't exist. maybe sleep doesn't exist. maybe it's all an illusion.

what bullshit.

(maybe bullshit doesn't exist, either (therefore, this class does not exist).)

low

Grades are posted.
4.0's in immunology, parasit/mycology/virology lecture and lab
3.9 in hematology lab
3.8 in hematology

a 3.8?????

disappointing.


maybe one day i wont be so hard on myself and will think that a 3.8 is good enough. but it isn't good enough.
it was a 3.9 overall for the semester, so my total gpa is still stuck at 3.9
i want it to go up.

stupid 3.8

reminder

The sleep tech had to wake me up at 6:30 this morning. His shift was over. He was able to take some of the electrodes off, and then he said i had to stay awake until the first nap scheduled at 8. then he left the room.

I got a little freaked out and started crying a little. It reminded me too much of Rogers.
being sound asleep, then someone opening the door and turning the lights on at 6:30 without warning, telling you its time to get up. whether you like it or not.

aside from me being annoyingly over sensitive, the rest of the time was fine. Just boring. I read twilight front to back, if thats any indication of how much time i had.

i actually fell asleep during today's naps. at least for sure during the first one (the other three, i dont remember falling asleep but the time went really quickly so i probably dozed off)- which is odd for me. i didn't sleep during the day in the one i had 3 years ago. so i'm interested to see what type of sleep i got during my naps. i had a [bad] dream during first one, so i guess i got to REM. wouldn't it be weird if i had normal narcolepsy now too? haha.

i have to wait until July 9th before i find out. that was the soonest i could get in again (because dr V is the best dr ever!)

post

i'm kind of concerned how tired i am without provigil... i couldn't take it this morning because of the sleep study tonight.

i have to leave in less than an hour and i need to pack breakfast and lunch for tomorrow. and something to do all day tomorrow that doesn't require too much effort since i'll be dealing with a caffiene headache..

these things are boring.

angry

I feel really really angry right now.

my neck still hurts and im angry. and i'm angry that my bumper is dented. and im angry at that punk ass kid who doesn't know how to stop his stupid car.

and im angry because if that pickup truck wasnt there in between us, then the boy's giant monster truck of a car would have gone on top of my little saturn and crushed it.

so im angry because i shouldnt have a headache right now and my car should be fine.

i think this is my residual freak out. because it was fucking scary there today. and i didnt let myself freak out then. and i couldnt at work and i couldnt when we were out at dinner.

so of course late at night, im angry, sore, and crying and upset over something that happened 12 hours ago. Great, Andi. Really great. i need to just grow up and go to bed.

red = stop

I was at a red light today, right in front of the highschool. and there a pick up truck behind me. and then all of a sudden i hear a crash and then her car hits my car. Because apparently stupid high school boys don't know that red lights mean you have to stop, especially when there are cars in front of you. They're all invincible and stuff, right? STUPID!

So the three of us pull off into the parking lot and teacher from the school saw this and they came over to help us out, and they call the police and the fire department so that the EMTs can check us out. they kept asking if me and the other girl wanted to go to the hospital because we both had headaches, but we both declined. i was shaken up more than anything.
it took about an hour for everything to be done and i went to work but i was still shaken up and my head still hurt. and by that time i only had an hour i could spend at work because i had to get to Nathan's, so that was annoying.

my car is okay (her truck wasn't, by any means). my bumper got a little smashed, but nothing major.
it was pretty scary.

it's my dad's birthday. so i called him and said "happy birthday, guess what just happened."
what every father wants to hear, right? :-P

oh well.

it was really nice to see melissa tonight, if only for a couple hours. :)
at least the day ended well.