Look me in the eyes so I know you know

I guess I stepped away from the blog world for a bit.  Actually, from the world in general.  I don't get online much, and I haven't watched "real" TV in months. (meaning- we get netflix, so nathan and i occasionally watch movies or an episode of one of "our" shows). 

The internship is crazy.  I love it, but it's stressful.  I'm at the hospital for a minimum of 8.5 hours a day, plus I work every third weekend, and one to two afternoons a week (4-9), after the 8.5 hour internship.  I hate those days.  2-3 exams per week. 

I've been holding my own.  It's been hard and stressful, but I've been handling it well- until this week.  3 really hard tests, plus I barely got to see Nathan.  I spent my birthday afternoon alone, studying.  and crying.  I ended up calling Susan just so that I could talk to someone instead of cut.  stress brings out nasty memories and feelings.  I was studying Haemophilis and all of a sudden I got this dark feeling and missed my grandpa like crazy and just burst out into tears.  I still feel a little down, but today was definitely a better day.  I didn't have to work, and neither did Nathan.  So we actually got to see each other!  all day!  I cleaned, worked out, studied, went to Mass, and then Nathan made me dinner.  Then we spent the evening together.  I needed that.

He also introduced me to a song I never had heard before somehow.  It's my latest one on repeat.  It's basically "our" song, the more I listen to it.  Everything rings true.  The only thing is that I don't spend nights alone anymore- but he could have sang this to me the night before our wedding- and it would have been completely appropriate. 

(the lyrics have two diff colors because there are two people singing, and words like this are my own emphasis)  Check it out-- skillet: The Last Night )

You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine
But I know it's a lie.

[Chorus:]
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you'll spend alone,
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,
I'm everything you need me to be.

Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you they don't know you at all
I'm so sick of when they say
It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine
But I know it's a lie.

[Chorus]

The last night away from me

[Bridge:]
The night is so long when everything's wrong
If you give me your hand I will help you hold on
Tonight,
Tonight.

[Chorus]

I won't let you say goodbye,
I'll be your reason why.

The last night away from me,
Away from me