The bad thing is.. the beta blocker makes me tired, but the hypomania makes me hyper. So I can't sit still and I want to move all over the place and study and do everything all at once. But I'm too tired to do said things because of the BB. So then it feels like I'm trapped inside my body while my head is going a million miles per hour. Then i get really tense and anxous and don't kow what to do with myself. So my 10 hours stuck on campus yesterday was not helping. I even had a hemostasis lab midterm yesterday. That was interesting to take. It was hard to sit still and be quiet.
I kept having to leave the study room and pace the halls. I called nathan a few times and the first time he had to tell me to slow down because I was talking too fast. I also sent him a weird email. He was good about it. He laughed at the email... and so did I after I read it again.
I had to talk to one of my professors yesterday and he tried to tell me to make sure i slowed down my talking or she'd think i was high. i hope i managed it. she didn't say anything.
email:
most of what you said makes sense. i didn't really have the attention span to read the whole thing so i skimmed it and now i'm really motivated to actually study so i'm going to do that right now instead of the case study but i will look over this again later. if you were heated up would your BP really go down? i would have thought up. i need to think about that. i will think about that. i found r---- and finished registering. yippee! that lady seemed grouchy. not r----. the other lady. r---- is never grouchy. i can't stop moving!!!!!! but my eyes want to close and take a nap. wait. eyes cant take naps. you know what i mean. you'll probably tease me for that sentence. that's ok. I LOVE YOU!!! i hope the heater fixing guy comes soon and you can be warm. being warm is good. i like being warm. the computer lab is super warm right now. I'M actually warm so that's saying something. too bad you cant' be here. i miss you!
k. i should go!
his reply:
That's the longest email I've ever had from you! Wow! You must have been typing quickly... I'm surprised your eyes need a nap, but even more surprised that you didn't just delete that part if you didn't want me to read it. You're funny and I love you.
I talked to him today and he mentioned the email. he said "it was like you were simply typing whatever came to your mind" yeah. pretty much. i'm kinda surprised it wasn't longer.
i managed to study today for a few hours.
i was going to attempt working out but i kept blacking out so i didn't think that was a good idea. maybe tomorrow.
i'll be going to work later, too.
i'm feeling better after my 10 hours of sleep... so i'm hoping i'll be productive today.
i was hoping i'd be more productive w. studying yesterday since i was manic and motivated but i was in the study room and a lot of people were talking and i was easily distracted and couldn't actually focus on one thing at time. so i didn't do a whole lot except play minesweeper and pace the halls. i did laps around all 3 floors of the building. a few times.
i had a 6 hour break between classes yesterday because i didn't have lab after the lab midterm and the midterm only took me 30 minutes. i was done by noon and my class isn't until 6.
it was a long day.
i hope i stable out. and i hope a depression doesn't follow the hypomania. i'm feeling better than yesterday but i can still tell i'm not exactly normal yet. i am still amazed i slept for 10 hours, though.
i guess i just have to wait and see.
1 comment:
I am glad you were able to sleep and that things have slowed down for you. I know how unsettling hypomania can get when you feel out of control like you want to crawl out of your skin. Take care.
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