useless

I'm not doing well.

I am so beyond exhausted. I do not feel like myself.
Sure, I'm always tired, but most days I can usually work though it.
Me on a beta blocker? I'm useless.
I can't think. I can't focus. I'm just so tired. Lecture makes no sense. I"m too tired to study. I'm too foggy to be productive at work, so I haven't been going, so I'm getting behind.
I have 2 exams and a quiz this week. Plus 2 homework assingments due. I haven't studied yet. This material is impossible to cram for, if I had the ability to cram.

8 classes is too many.
Ok, 7. The one I just have to show up for an hour and listen to people talk about their career. But still, it's still an hour out of my already unproductive life each week.

People say, "why don't you drop a class?"

BECAUSE THEN I WON'T GRADUATE IN MAY!!!!

And yes, I could technically gradute next December and start an internship in January, but my number one favorite hospital I want to intern at doesn't start internships in January like two of the others do. So if I do that, I miss out on it and have to settle for a lower choice.

I'm not okay with dropping a class.
I'd hate myself if I didn't graduate in May.

But I have barely studied all week. I'm not retaining anything.
I kept blacking out all day today. And yes, I'm eating and drinking enough.

I wish the beta blocker wasn't working, then I wouldn't feel the need to take it.
But it IS helping. My HR is lower and I'm not having as many palpatations.

But being this tired is not acceptable.

I'm getting behind in everything.
I'm not exercising.
And I'm just plain exhausted and overwhelmed.

I need to talk to the head of my department. When I told her a couple weeks ago I was sick she said "let me know if I can do anything for you."
I have no idea what she can do for me. I have to learn the stuff- there's no way around it. But I need to ask. Is there something she can help with? I doubt it. But I need to know.

I can't take this much longer.
I'm starting to hate myself.
I'm lazy and useless.
I might as well stay in bed all day.