poison

i don't really like life right now.

i got through the 3 exam week somehow. i don't feel like i've learned anything... i just know how to study for these teachers.

casey and kathrine are still here.
apple picking and party at ryann's tomorrow for ~25 people. i'm expected to join.
kathrine's baptism Sunday afternoon. company at house before and after.

um. hi.

i need my house back. i need company to not be here.

i need to be awake.
i'm so behind at work.
i have another 2 exams next week, plus a paper.
i haven't started writing the paper or studying for the exams.
i still haven't exercised at all.


i don't feel human.

and all i want to do is starve and cut.

i know that won't fix anything. but at least i'd feel something.
i just feel like a zombie.
just going through the motions.
i almost cry everytime it's time to take another dose of the beta blocker.
poison.
that's all it is.